Teaching Tuesday / Boundaries Bring Comfort

For all you new moms or soon to be moms, just some friendly advice, your little ones will sleep longer and more sound if you swaddle them. I used to swaddle mine, but we didn't have these cute and fancy swaddles way back in the day. Katrina was kind enough to share pics of their two oldest boys, Joshua and Jak, when they were babies and all swaddled. I wanted pictures so you could see what I meant in case you weren't familiar with the modern swaddles. I just kept mine wrapped up really tight and snuggly with what we called receiving blankets. As a new mom, I was always afraid of wrapping my babies too tight and the nurses would say,

"No, you aren't pulling the blanket tight enough. They like to be snuggled in tight. Where they just came from was a really snug, tight space! Swaddling makes the baby feel safe."

Which brings me to what I wanted to share today. I touched on it briefly last week about consistency making kids feel safe, but I wanted to go in depth a little more about how surrounding you kiddos with firm consistent boundaries makes them feel safe. And safe children are happy children.

Look at Joshua! He looks like a little angel! So, precious! He is now 4, and he has 3 younger brothers. He's the sweetest, most thoughtful big brother you will ever see.

So, as you enjoy looking at my sweet grandsons, I want to share with you the importance of boundaries for children.

Here's little Jak and this little fella has more personality than is legal! He has enough charm for 5 little boys! Even at an early age you can see the twinkle in his eye in the pic below.

Firstly, boundaries have a dual purpose. Like fences, boundaries either keep things in or keep things out.

As a parent, rules for your children do the same thing. Your boundary rules should protect your child by preventing them as much as possible from being exposed to evil. That's why you don't let a 5 year old alone, unsupervised on the internet. It's just not safe. You don't let a 7 year old roam around a large department store without an adult. Thousands of children are kidnapped and sold for sex-trafficking each year. We must consistently and lovingly keep our boundaries in place - whether it's not letting them consume all the candy they want because it will destroy their teeth and health, or not letting them date a boy at 13, even when chaperoned, because a child that age isn't emotionally mature enough to handle relationship issues. We are to be their parents, not their besties!

They may push buttons and try to manipulate you, but don't give in to those antics. Tough love is saying NO to protect your child even when they don't think they need it!

Some of your rules should keep your kids age appropriately close to you. Other rules should keep evil, negative influences out! Don't be moved by others opinions of how you should parent like we discussed last week. Those are your children, and you are the one that God entrusted the guardianship of their souls to. Truthfully, I have struggled with this in some areas of parenting because I didn't want to offend or hurt anyone's feelings. In my earlier people-pleasing years when I was more prone to care what others thought or said, I've been torn between giving in to letting my kids go here or do that. Just because "good" people are chaperoning an event does not mean that your child or teen should attend. Parents listen up! If you don't have PEACE about your child attending that event, then they shouldn't be there. Let God's peace, be your fleece. Just like Gideon laid a fleece before the Lord seeking direction (see Judges 6), let His Peace or lack of it be your determining gage to go by. Holy Spirit already knows all about the situation, and He will guide you in making every decision in protecting your child.

One red flag warning that always gets my attention is the statement, "Oh, come on, everyone's doing it!" or "Everyone else is getting to go!" My Bible tells me that if the crowds doing it, I don't need to. Matthew 7: 13-14 says,

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

Sounds a lot like I don't need to follow what everyone else is doing, or let my kids follow the crowd either!

It's not easy parenting. It's not easy telling our children 'no' when everything in us wants them to be happy. The "YES's" are a lot easier, but I promise you that it's the "NO's" that bring your children comfort, stability, and builds their character. Don't be afraid to use the word. Will they get mad? Possibly. Will they be disappointed? Definitely! That's life. Those feelings are temporal, but the value of what you are teaching is pricelessly eternal. And eternal lessons taught to your child, are worth every single bit of effort that it takes to keep those boundaries in place by saying "NO"!

They will never admit it (until after they are grown). They may not even be aware of it themselves. But there is great comfort in knowing how far I can go, in what I can get away with, and knowing that someone who loves me is holding the safety net. Even and especially, if I'm screaming at the top of my lungs that I don't need a net.

Keep those boundaries up! Just like swaddles, they make your child feel safe and secure.

#TeachingTuesday #BoundariesBringComfort