Teaching Tuesday / Behavior: Not What, But Why!

2019 -Janiah (11), Elijah (9), and Olivia (7) Fighting? Playing? Beating each other up?!?!?!?! What???

Hey dear Parents! I pray that things are getting more normal at your homes, or at least you're adjusting to the new normal for now. I hope today's title caught your attention. I felt like we are to discuss behavior this week. As parents, we all want well-mannered children that are polite, kind, and obedient. After parenting so long with so many, I have learned a priceless nugget of wisdom in regards to children's behavior.

When it comes to your child's behavior, it is far more important to know the "why" behind your child's actions than the actual "what" that they did! Take the above video of my three youngest for example. My children look like they are fighting! For real! Clobbering each other on top of the head with a vengeance, or so it seems. But their motive? They are just playing. Playing rough, but playing nonetheless. No need for discipline or correction, only monitoring to ensure things don't get out of hand.

Kids are going to be impulsive, foolish, immature, etc. Those things all will improve with age. What our focus as parents needs to be is the motive (the why?) behind the actions. Elijah came to me last week with a broke plate in his hands, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drop it." He had been washing the dishes and the plate slipped from his hand. No malice, no mischief. Pure motive - it was an accident. Unfortunately this mama has seen the day when I would have become irate, raised my voice, and belittled my child. Thankfully I've matured. Praise the Lord!

If children are just being children, hyper and silly, we can loving redirect all that energy to outside activities when possible, or pour it into a game of charades. Of course, we should be training them towards age appropriate self-control as well. Mostly what we should be on the lookout for is attitude and motive.

Even how you handle bad attitudes need to be constructive, not destructive. Not in screaming tones of anger and condemnation, but with a heart of love wanting to bring healing to your child's soul and restoration in their relationship with Father God.

Discipline should never be about CONTROL!

I hate to be the one to break it to you in case you haven't yet figured it out, but you can't make your child do anything. You can make them wish they had of made the right choice, but you can't force correct behavior. You can be BIG, BAD mama and scare them into compliance, but dear mom, dear dad, when they get out of your sight they will do what they want to do. Because what you've taught them is to fear your anger, not walk in the good character trait of self-control. Training correct behavior takes calm consistency, patience, and a lot of love and prayers.

For example: This week one of my girls hit the other. (The names shall remain anonymous to protect the guilty.)

me(in a normal, noncombative tone of voice):"Why did you hit your sister? I know you. You love Jesus. You are sweet, loving, and kind. So, I know something had to be wrong for you to act this way. What is it? What happened?

child: (With tears of remorse already in her eyes because I had lovingly reminded her of who she was in Christ) she quietly replied, "Because she (meaning her sister) snatched the broom out of my hands, and I got mad."

Then I gently questioned what should she have done instead. To which she replied that she should have came to me for intervention.

Then, I addressed the broom snatching sister in the same loving manner, reminding her that Jesus would never behave that way. By this time both sisters had sheepish grins on their faces, and readily apologized without any more prompting from me. Neither felt belittled or ashamed. They had messed up, fixed with God and each other, and peace was restored.

That was easy enough, but sometimes it takes more probing and gentle nudging to get to the root. For instance if a child is jealous of their sibling, that's a hard thing to have to admit, especially if they have already been taught that that behavior is wrong. Plus, if they fear your rejection because of their sin, it will be even harder for them to confide in you. With any revealed sin, it is paramount that you do not condemn or shame your child for bearing their soul to you. Regardless of how hard it was to hear, it was a 1000 times harder for your child to trust you with their soul's secrets. They just gave you a priceless gift. Praise them for their courage. Assure them of your love, and pray them through it all until their healing and victory has manifested. (And then if it's been a really hard thing to hear, go crawl up in your Daddy God's lap and cry your eyes out. He is faithful to heal you as well.) Dear parent, always, always, always keep digging til you get to the root of what's wrong? Even a tiny splinter, left unattended , can cause huge infectious problems in your physical body, so to can the wounds of our souls if not handled properly.

In summation, what I'm saying is lovingly be there, and take the time to train them well.

It is our job as parents to teach our children that when an authority figure gives them a directive it is to be obeyed cheerfully and immediately!

You see, one day Father God is going to be giving the instructions. Hopefully, He will be the One they run to. How you respond when they confide in you, will set a pattern as to how they 'think' Father God will accept or reject them. We all want to be good stewards of these priceless gifts entrusted into our care. Our objective should be well trained children who will quickly and cheerfully obey Him and run to Him in time of need.

Holy Parenting!

#TeachingTuesday #BehaviorNotWhatButWhy #StewardingThePriceless